How to Create a Happier Life by Changing Your Story
We all have a story. It starts when we are very young and small, at a time when the world is huge and we are tiny by comparison. A time when we are surrounded by large people and large things and we are completely vulnerable and dependent on parents or caretakers for our survival. This is the first chapter of our story. The way it is written depends on how our needs get met at this critical stage of life. All throughout our childhood, the rest of the chapters of our story are written. If we have parents or caretakers who are unable to meet our physical or emotional needs, our story contains that void, filled with compensations we must create to feel safe in the world. Over time, if, like millions of us, there is a consistent deficit in our care or worse yet, physical or emotional abuse, the story imprints on our brain and we carry it with us into adulthood.
Your story is essentially everything you believe about yourself (fostered by your parents or caretakers). That story gets repeated over and over in your sub-conscious mind. Eventually, we project that story outward into the world and create a life that colludes with our sub-conscious story. Therefore, we create reinforcement for the story we carry and it becomes not only how we see ourselves, but how others do as well. The “story” is loaded with beliefs that limit us as adults. We can easily stay trapped in the grip of our childhood experiences and beliefs and allow those beliefs to control our every adult experience.
Moving past these limiting beliefs, out of the mind of a child and into the mind of the adult you are does take work. It starts with realizing that you are an adult now, capable of making your own choices, your own decisions. You can consider other opinions but should never use them to overrule your own decisions if it does not resonate with your true desires. It involves re-programming your sub-conscious mind (your story) so you can change the story you tell yourself and others. When the story changes, so too does your life. You become free to manifest things you never believed you deserved. You can manifest a new level of relationships with other adults when you are no longer functioning as a child who does not get his or her needs met.
You can move past insecurity, low self-esteem, fear of failure and that feeling of being stuck by mustering up the courage to see that your life isn’t working and reaching out for help to facilitate the changes you desire. You can improve by coming out of your little child mind and learn to function on a whole new level. There is a process to the steps needed to create the change. It begins with work on the sub-conscious mind with consistent affirmations that you repeat to yourself over and over again — things that you wish you had you been told and felt as a child as if you received everything you needed in your nurturing as the child you once were. It’s interesting. Not only does the brain believe everything you tell it, but it functions as if everything you tell it is absolute truth. The world of cognitive behavioral therapy or neuro-linguistic programming are two examples of how this can be accomplished. Consistently tell yourself positive, life-affirming things and you will be amazed at the changes that ensue.
Next is finding your purpose or your passions which can enable you to discover the right path to move you forward. Let those be the driving force to create goals (what you want out of life). Addressing goals as a whole is very overwhelming and usually leads to freezing in place. But breaking things down into tiny steps, tiny goals that you address one at a time gives you the experience of success. Putting these little successes together creates a new habit of getting things done because it feels good and it is not overwhelming. And little by little, you “success” your way to your ultimate goals.
Is it a straight, linear path to changing your story? Definitely not. Some things will not work out for you. Be careful, however, not to label the failure as YOU being the failure. See the failure as a choice that did not work out and now you have the freedom to choose a different path. It is said, and it is very true, that those who have never failed rarely succeed. Realize that even failure gets you closer to your goals because you can eliminate what doesn’t work. We are all a work in progress. Fear of failure is simply False Evidence Appearing Real and it comes from the mind of a child who always wants to please her parents or caregivers. It is not realistic to avoid failure on the path to success. Avoiding failure is tantamount to avoiding success.
Finally, as human beings, we are not perfect. We are not meant to be perfect. We are, however, meant to be able to evaluate things so we can improve on them or change them. This is exactly what nature does with us. It works to strengthen what works and change (mutation) what doesn’t work. However, as you know, not every mutation works out well. Even nature has failures! Allowing yourself to be human, with ALL of your feelings, insecurities and shortcomings actually makes you a stronger, more centered individual. Self-acceptance leads to self-love which leads to improved self-esteem which helps you to overcome life’s challenges.
Allowing for change has a very interesting effect on experience. As you work on changing your story, you begin to attract different people, different opportunities and different outcomes, all for the better because they are now dictated by the adult you and not the compensated little you. Your life becomes more fulfilling and you are able to feel a greater sense of inner peace knowing that whatever comes your way, you will not crumble. Can this be done alone? I would say it’s not impossible, but rather unlikely, since we are all creatures of habit and repel that which is uncomfortable. Working with a life coach strengthens the likelihood that you will remain on the path of personal growth as you move away from unhappiness and powerlessness to the new empowered and happier you.
I wish you all the best on your journey to changing your story!
Dr. Robert Kornfeld is a life coach and holistic podiatrist based in NYC and Long Island. He is the Founder of Change Your Story Coaching (www.changeyourstorycoaching.com) and assists people on their journey to making their dream life happen. Sign up for his email list and get all of his timely and informative articles in your inbox. Are you ready to change your story? Change your life? Contact him today. For coaching, he can be contacted at info@changeyourstorycoaching.com. He also practices functional medicine for chronic foot and ankle pain at The Chronic Foot Pain Center in NYC and Port Washington, L.I. (www.drrobertkornfeld.com). For foot and ankle medical problems, he can be contacted at drrobertkornfeld@gmail.com.
